Bird nesting is a term that can be used for an informal form of rotating parental custody and is inspired by birds, where the eggs/chicks stay in the nest whilst the parents take turns sitting on the nest/ searching for food. Julia Drury and Richard Rodway in our Divorce & Family Law team explain the bird nesting concept for separated parents and their children.
How does bird nesting for parents and children work in practice?
In bird nesting, the co-parenting arrangement, the children stay in the “nest” (the family home), and each parent/legal guardian takes turns living there during their allotted parenting time, whilst the other parent lives elsewhere (e.g., with family or in smaller temporary/rented accommodation).
The rotation schedule will be agreed upon between the parents, depending on the family’s individual circumstances, but common scenarios include weekly or biweekly rotations. The pattern will normally be fixed so that all parties know exactly where they will be living when.
Bird nesting usually requires a joint budget for both the family home and the “off-duty” accommodation.
What are the perceived benefits of bird nesting?
Moving home can be stressful at any time, but even more so for children if their parents’ relationship is coming to an end. Bird nesting is intended to limit some of the trauma by enabling children to have a fixed place to call home and to maintain their routines, school, and friendships. It also means that the children’s clothing, school supplies, and other belongings can remain in one place, which can avoid the need for duplicate items or the chances of items being lost or forgotten.
Bird nesting is particularly popular with parents of children with SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) who need a strict, unchanging routine.
Bird nesting can help a separating couple manage costs in the short term while waiting for the family home to be sold, or when there are insufficient funds to provide two family-sized homes post-separation.
Bird nesting is often a temporary arrangement for a specific period, for example, until children finish a school year or during a trial separation to see whether reconciliation is possible. It can also be a cost-effective solution if the parents decide to share the ‘non-nest’ accommodation rather than funding two larger properties that could accommodate the whole family.
When might bird nesting become difficult?
Whilst bird nesting can have its advantages, it requires a lot of cooperation between the parents and excellent communication, especially if the parents decide to share the ‘non nest’ accommodation to save costs.
Troubles can arise if one parent feels the other is not respecting the accommodation in either location, e.g., not cleaning it during their stay or invading the other’s privacy. Obviously, it can also lead both parents to feel a bit ‘transient’ during the period and limit their ability to build their own separate lives.
Does bird nesting work?
Like all family arrangements, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Bird nesting is a relatively new form of co-parenting in England and Wales, more common in mainland Europe, but this creative arrangement seems to be gaining popularity. No family court would impose a bird nesting arrangement, but it can work if both parents agree to it.
Bird nesting works best as a temporary solution to provide stability during separation by avoiding the need for children to move between the homes of each parent, which can be disruptive, especially at the outset. It can also help in circumstances where the parents recognise they need to live separately, but only have the option of staying with family if they are not at the family home. In such circumstances, the perception can be that one parent is disadvantaged, as they may not have room to accommodate the children elsewhere.
Bird nesting maintains a sense of equilibrium between the parents, which is often an important consideration. With bird nesting, children may also have more time to adapt to changes in the family dynamic and come to terms with their parents’ separation, whilst experiencing relatively minimal short-term change.
If bird nesting is implemented as part of a trial separation, it can give each parent some breathing room and time to reflect before making any permanent or costly decisions. And of course, if the parents decide to reconcile, the disruption for the children will hopefully have been kept to a minimum.
However, if the relationship between parents is poor, or the communication about the arrangements is lacking, bird nesting could cause more stress, as whilst bird nesting may minimise disruption in the children’s lives, it can create new logistical challenges for their parents.
We have found that bird nesting needs to be underpinned by a clear written agreement/ parenting plan regarding schedules, responsibilities, and finances. If the bird-nesting arrangement is not for the purpose of a trial separation, because both parties agree the relationship has ended, there should also be an agreed-upon end date for the arrangement, e.g., when the family home is sold or at the end of the school year.
How we can help if you are considering bird nesting
It is often best to discuss the bird nesting scenario with a solicitor as part of the separation process, as they will be familiar with many of the practical and financial issues involved and help you decide in advance whether the co-parenting arrangement will work for you and your children.
To speak to one of our family law solicitors, please contact:
- Julia Drury on 0118 975 6622 (Lower Earley office)
- Richard Rodway on 01491 570 900 (Henley-on-Thames office)
You can also email us confidentially at office@thpsolicitors.co.uk.